I Will (Reintegration Update #1)

Every time I step into my office, or even head into the garage, I see the whiteboard with the faded markings. The ink from dry erase markers that’s been there enough time where windex won’t even get rid of it. Stained. Not only on the whiteboard in my office, but the coagulations of my brain. I think about the story so much, and somehow struggle to finish it.

I began Reintegration about two years ago. I started with a simple idea and then began sketching some thoughts out on a much smaller board than the one in my office now. I was captivated by the ideas and images in my head, leading me to begin writing. I wrote fast and whatever came to mind. I even took a class on the fundamentals of fiction in one of my classes. This led me to finalizing a full outline for my story, a graph for the arcs and table for the character development. It looked amazing, the inner workings of something great. Now to actually create it.

I wrote and wrote, all the way until chapter seventeen or eighteen. Then I hit a wall. I began learning new and helpful ways to write and structure in my schooling. This caused me to pause. I tend to rush things, I find myself highly impatient. Years back, this impatience led me to publishing a short novel I truly shouldn’t have. It needed more work. I can admit that, and wanted to learn from it. I simultaneously began learning about poetry and experimenting with that. I figured, I’ll mess with this until I finish my education. Then I will come back and finish Reintegration.

Since then, I’ve published two collections of poetry, worked on some short stories, began a non-fiction piece and learned a ton about editing. I still have some classes left in my program before I receive my degree, but I have finally come back to face the mocking of the white board. For months it has weighed on me, watching me. From my bedroom, to the garage and now to the office. I realized, it was time. No more sitting back and putting it off.

So I scrapped everything. Started over, started fresh. I am now writing something I am proud of and actually enjoy. I gave myself a 2020 completion date so I am trying not to rush. I am currently working on chapter 12 of my rough draft. The only issue is now my son Cash has joined the picture. I shouldn’t call him an issue, for one because he’s staring at me right now, but also because he is absolutely one of the best things to ever happen to me. But it’s a week in and he I have yet to touch my story. Just another challenge I guess but this will happen. I will finish it. And then more.

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