Consider This an Apology

I forgot to mention something in my last post. Something rather important and a tag line that I used to market Free Dom. An aspect I forgot to mention that I explored in the novel is Dom's regret at his past. This was something I conveniently didn't seem to bring up in my last post, perhaps because it was a criticism against myself.

When reflecting on how I've acted in past versions of myself, I become rather embarrassed. Times when I said things I shouldn't have said, did something I shouldn't have done or opted out of something I should've done. But the times I cringe the most are when I'm painfully aware of how I treated religion with myself and others. Facebook memories are the worst. Always bringing up things I posted ten years ago that make me shudder. But what's worse than those are the actual memories I have in my head.

A friend of a friend was a film major and he once told us that he has a difficult time seeing movies because he breaks them down and critiques them just out of habit. It's similar to that when you get a Bible major. After learning a vast amount about historical data, language issues and misinterpretations, one soon begins to think they've arrived at a higher point than others. When you think you're up there, above others, it's fairly easy to point down and mock or shake your head aggresively at the foolishness of those beneath you. This resulted not only in me having a judgmental tone in almost everything I said but frankly, I was just a straight jackass. (And still am today, although hopefully at a lesser degree.)

I've always had an issue with arguing and disagreeing but of course with the topic of religion, things escalate quickly. There's no need to hash out every single thing I've said. Suffice it to say, I was heavy-handed with my religion and outspoken on how people should act. Not only with others, but with myself. My family can attest to it. It had to do with my bitterness at feeling like I wasn't taught properly growing up. But when it came down it, it was just me being self-righteous. I thought because I understood and had more knowledge than others that I was somehow greater than them. This, of course, is untrue. But when you're in the thick of it, you are blinded to reality.

In the end, I realized I was an asshole and am trying to work on it. Plus, there's the reality that I actually don't know that much at all. Sure, I might know more than the average church attendee but compared to others I'm a complete fool. It's all irrelevant really. We're just a bunch of dummies trying to figure life out anyway. But the point is, Dom has a similar background except moreso with his family. He followed the ways of his parents and raised them extremely strictly and under the burdening law of religion. As he's grown in his understanding of grace, like most self-righteous people do if life treats them to the right hand, he's learned the err of his ways.

And in that sense, Dom and I relate. We've been horrid religious folk and we're sorry. Truly. It's a sickness that infects you and we're trying to rid ourselves of it with the antidote of God's grace. And maybe, by that same grace, one day we'll get there. But for now, consider this an apology.

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