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a race against time

Having a child is extremely difficult. They consume your energy, focus and time. (I must note my wife does the majority of the work before I sound like some phenomenal parent deserving of an award.) But ever since I've had my son it's been a battle for time. At least time for reading and writing. Those are the two key things that are difficult to do when he is awake.

We've gone through different stages with Cash. Sometimes he was waking up at 5 AM and other times he's waking up at 7 AM. The key has been attempting to adjust to a new routine everytime something changes in his sleep patterns. Currently, he's been going to bed around 8:30-9:30 PM and waking up around 7:30-8 AM. For some time, I would find myself getting angry or upset because I couldn't find the time for reading and writing. I found myself blaming my family for it.

Ultimately, it was me who was to blame.

It's my responsiblity to find the time. I realized if I blamed my family I would become a bitter man and we all know how those kind of fathers and husbands are. Instead, I've been trying to create the time I need on my own. I'm not much of a nighttime person when it comes to reading and writing. My brain has usually tapped out by the time the sun goes down. So the morning is where I've been finding it. It's incredibly hard trying to install a new pattern in your life. But waking up at 5 AM has been great for me. Now, don't get me wrong, sometimes it's 5:15 other times it's 5:30. Sometimes I find it extremely difficult to focus right away and get distracted. But for the most part, I'm able to get a solid hour in of reading and another hour for writing.

This has produced 20,000 words into Rehabilitation. A book I didn't know how to start just a couple months ago. Now, it feels like I have some traction and was able to get my whiteboard outline filled out. I have direction and feel passionate about the story I'm writing. Which is great.

The thing is, I have another child due in March. My goal is to have this draft finished by then but who knows. I want to not be stressed or thinking about anything when the baby comes. Or derail any stride I have going. I need to continue carving out the time and be disciplined to keep working but sometimes it's difficult.

I'm also currently reading the first book in the Wheel of Time series per the request of my brother, Kyle. It's different than other books I've read and my first deep dive into a fantasy world. To my surprise, I've been drawn into the story rather quickly. But after I finish this, it's game time.

I will be prepping my next novel Free Dom to be published. I have edits, formatting, cover planning and all that jazz to complete before the baby comes. I can't help but be excited but also stressed to get it all done, even though these are my own deadlines I'm giving myself. I just know myself. I know my brain. I won't stop thinking about these projects which won't be well for my mind state or my families.

Then, if all goes according to plan, by the time young Sophie joins our family I will have Free Dom ready to be published in April and the Rehabilitation draft completed. Thus, opening the door for me to hop back in on Unfit: The Unofficial Biography of Connor Donahue (A Novel). I'm roughly 6,500 words into that but kind of lost direction. I haven't outlined it yet which is probably why. I just started going which is how I usually begin to get an idea of what I want to do, then think and outline a plan to get where I want to go.

As much as I'm having fun with Rehabilitation writing from three different perspectives, I'm eager to get to Unfit as it will utilize a lot of personal stories I experienced and others I know have experienced.

There's a lot to look forward to on the horizon, so I'm trying to enjoy the process of it all and not get hung up on these things as chores or duties. But more along the lines of the cheesy saying about enjoying the journey. At times it feels like a race against time, but I know I'm only racing myself and whatever happens I will cross the finish line eventually and finish these projects. For now, I must enjoy the race and stay disciplined. I'll do my best.

Blake Nail

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